Thursday, May 6, 2010

Die another day

Firstly, sorry for making you wait so long for my next adventure. I was trying to figure out for so long what was wrong with my PC, but only just realized, that it wasn’t plugged in.

So any-hooo... perhaps the most notable adventure in the past few months would have to be my tiff with the one and only ‘K-Woman’ (or just K to make it easier to type). I am sure most of you haven’t even heard of this K, but let me tell you, it wasn’t a kake walk. Damn! Her effects are still showing. If you have not figured out her power as yet, read on. Even if you have figured it out, read on.

K loved to create havoc among the masses by screwing up spellings of normal words by including ‘k’ in it. May not seem like much, but believe me, it could turn into a nightmare, as I recently figured out.

The city seemed normal for a hot winter’s day. The muscular men with their tight sleeveless tops, non muscular men as well. However, I did notice something. A new AA center opened up just around the corner. I contemplated going, but decided against it. Contrary to what ‘Over-exaggerating boy’ says, I am not an alcoholic. It was disturbing to see so many people flock to the new place on the first day of its opening, all looking so weak, so fragile. Oh well, serves them right.

The city was devoid of any trouble for the next few weeks, so I regretfully tell you; I turned to the bottle to keep my busy. But after a week of drinking myself to sleep, I realized I needed to change. No good was coming from this habit. So I decided to check out the AA center. While casually passing the place, I noticed the people coming out. They all looked stronger, smarter and taller. I said, “Hey! I could do with some strength, increased brain power and definitely some height!” I decided to give it a shot

The next day, while casually walking past the AA center, I quickly changed direction and entered. Yes I was ashamed what I had become. When I went in I saw happy people, full of energy. They were playing basketball, riding cycles, doing their homework in record time. I was amazed. I had to join this place. So I went in for one of their sessions. The woman conducting the session was awfully familiar. I remembered her from the chemist. She was placing an abnormally large order for something. I distinctly remember her telling me, “It’s for the kids at the school”. I couldn’t remember what she bought. Anyway, sitting through the session I got out enlightened. But I still went home trying to remember what that woman bought at the chemist.

The next day, I went there 5 minutes before the session. I had to stand in the long line. But I was sure it would be totally worth it. While entering the center, I was handed a glass of a brown liquid. “Weird”, I thought as I took the glass in my hand and walked inside. Everyone there was gulping it down. I asked one of the guys there what was in the glass. He looked at me and said, “Who cares, it’s magical!!”

I walked outside and took a closer look at the sign over the entrance. It said “Enter”. I looked around and to the side of the door it said, ‘Alco-horlicks Anonymous’. It call came rushing back to me like the crowd entering the train at Dadar during peak hours. The woman was ordering 72 packs of Horlicks at the chemist. And then I recalled, she signed the receipt as ‘K-Woman’. It all added up now. She was building an army for herself right under Our Noses. Our Noses was a store on the first floor catering to the fake nose market. (This was surprisingly a huge market thanks to the late MJ)

It all made sense. The people in the center, playing basketball, cycling and doing their homework in record time was due to the brown liquid. The Horlicks!! I thought I would go into the session and midway reveal her plan to her unknowing victims.

As I entered, I noticed a weird stare from her. Thinking I had a Horlicks moustache I started wiping my upper lip. I looked back up and she was gone. All the doors and windows were locked from the outside. I was trapped in this room with about a hundred people who had been drinking Horlicks everyday for over a month. I had to get out and stop her. But how?

I yelled out, “Is there any one in here named Will?” One guy raised his hand. And just as I thought, right behind him, was a way. A way out. Running through the small passage way, I came out, and just in time, K was rushing to her bike. Just as she was about to ride away, I reached out to the bike ignition key and turned it off.

“So K-Woman, we meet again,” I said, with my hands on my hips. “Who are you again?” she replied. She was obviously playing dumb. I explained to her how I came to know of her evil plan. She replied, “Oh! You were here to stop me? I was running because I saw a man with a police uniform come in.” But then she explained what she was really doing, and she was not as evil as I thought. She was much worse! She was giving out the Horlicks not mixed in milk, but in water!! (Yuck!)

Not on my watch missy. It wasn’t enough that she was building an army of people without their knowledge, she gave them a sub standard drink. Below standard actually. But she did cure them from their alcoholism, which was a good thing. Now, come to think of it, she wasn’t that bad after all. I decided to let her off and give her another chance. Who knows, she may come to my rescue in the future. You remember the lion and the mouse don’t you?

I took over the ‘Alco-horlicks Anonymous’ from under Our Noses and turned it into an organization that gave underprivileged kids doses of Horlicks. We still catered to alcoholics who wanted to turn over a new leaf.

The End.

PS: This in no way is a promotion for Horlicks. None of the effects of Horlicks mentioned here are proven. Horlicks was chosen as it fit in perfectly, nothing else.

I also hope you haven’t turned to alcohol after reading this post.


† Crudus † said...

Must. Drink. Horse-licks!

Khyati said...

i like! The best part ws whr thr is a will thrs a way...wel i wud lk to b a little mr evil that feeding people horlicks but no problemo my name shall add some mileage to the blog.
Ignoring all dumb coments on the word mileage. :-P

Douglas Misquita said...

hmm...nice, makes me think i should write some humor too, rather than dark, evil, sarcasm! keep it going...