Friday, October 16, 2009

Next best thing to the Human Torch.

What do you get when you cross a young man and a Chinese lady?

It was a dark night, and not the type that goes around fighting the joker. The ‘Torcher’ was in town, pretending to help people. He had a good thing going for him. He would turn off the street lights and pose as a do-gooder. Looking at his name, and popular comic clich├ęs, you would think he probably ignites himself, or even flies. But not him. This Torcher did things far worse than setting things or people on fire. He was far more devious. He would pretend to help people across the dark streets and half way through would ‘flash’ them and beat them up with the torch. The screams of his victims could be heard miles away, but no one knew exactly where they were coming from, until the next morning, when the sun would rise and illuminate the place of the crime.

The Torcher!

Being a superhero (not a well renowned one though) I was ‘Eveready’ for some superhero action. I pursued the villain for most of my superhero life, but he somehow always escaped. Some may say he outsmarted me all this time, but today, right here; I will let the truth be known. No, I am not tied up with him in anyway. It’s just that I would usually be sleeping during the time he would attack his unsuspecting victims. I decided enough was enough!! I have got to stop this guy, even if it requires me to stay up all night.

His weapon of choice.

So that day, I slept in the afternoon, had bought a couple of ‘energizers’ like Red Bulls to keep me awake in the night. I stood at the corner of his favourite streets. It was my bed time, 11 pm! And the Red Bulls were not helping even a tiny bit. They had fallen asleep by now. So I was just a guy standing at the corner with two sleeping Red Bulls.

Scary, isin't it? Now imagine someone coming to beat you with a torch!

Then at about 11:30 pm, just as I had expected, the street lights went off. Now I was just a guy screaming at the corner. No, I was not scared; I had to let the Torcher know that I was there. Two minutes later, as expected the Torcher made his appearance. He said that he was the shopkeeper from down the road, trying to be a good citizen. This was exactly the modus operandi of the Torcher. I decided to go with the flow. “You are so kind. If you take me across the road, I will give you one of my Red Bulls,” I told him. “What Red Bulls?” he asked. As he swept the torch behind me, there was no sign of the Red Bulls. No sign except for their droppings that is. He said he didn’t expect anything in return. I could see right through his lies. While walking across the road, he asked me if I was from around that area. Small talk before he clubbed me on the back of my head with the torch. Without wasting any more time, I pulled out the handcuffs and cuffed him—torch in hand. There were screams alright, but this time it was not of a victim, it was of the culprit. “I am not the Torcher, you have to believe me!” he kept yelling. But I was not going to fall for that. That’s the first thing anyone shouts when they are guilty. People could now roam the streets freely at night, without the fear of becoming a victim of the Torcher.

Ok, just imagine them red. I didn't have a camera at that time.

A few days later, I was reading the paper (comic strips and the TV schedule first, of course), and when I turned to the first page, I was shocked at the headline. It read “The Torcher removes the batteries of another victim”. “Oh no!! It’s a ‘copy-cat’ Torcher. Some one is trying to copy the Torcher!!” I will have to go out and stop this guy as well.

So I went back to the same corner, with the same plan in mind, but this time, without the Red Bulls. It was a waste of time and money the first time. So I decided not to bother with them. The same thing happened; the lights went off at 11:30. A guy came with the torch, offering to ‘help’ me get to safety. But I wasn’t going to fall for it.

I arrested this guy the same way. He too kept screaming, “You have the wrong guy! I am not the Torcher.” I thought to myself, this guy is a real good copycat. Even his arrest speech was copied.

Another criminal behind bars I thought, as I opened the next day’s newspapers. But to my surprise again, the headline read “The Torcher lives to flash his victims again”. “Oh no! It’s a ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher.

I decided to capture this sorry ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher as well. The same story. Street corner. Lights off at 11:30. Man comes out with torch to ‘help’. I capture the ‘copy-cat of the copy-cat’ Torcher. He yells “I am not the Torcher. I was just trying to help you.” “Save the speech for the judge,” I told him.

But just then, I heard some one scream “NOT AGAIN!” I looked around. There was a man on the other side of the street. He was in tears. I went up to him and asked him, “Did you lose a loved one to the Torcher, or the ‘copy-cat Torcher’ or to this guy, the ‘copy of the copy-cat Torcher’?” He replied with a firm no. What could be the reason of his “NOT AGAIN!” yell? Then it hit me as I caught a glimpse of the torch in his hand. I thought back to the first, second and third guy I arrested. They were telling the truth! They were really just good Samaritans trying to help me to safety. Not that I wasn’t capable of taking care of myself. I was face to face with the original Torcher.

I played it as cool as I could. I reached for the source of his power. He sensed that I was on to him and pulled his torch away from my reach. But I was thinking a step ahead. I grabbed his battery pack. He now had nothing to power his torch. Knowing he was now powerless, he confessed, “I am the real Torcher.” That’s what I needed to hear from him. I arrested him with charges of ‘Assault with a battery’

The town was safe again. People could now roam the streets at night, although I don’t know why they wouldn’t rather sleep. for the question in the beginning, you get both of them very angry.

This is SuperCraig signing out, reminding you to switch off the lights and fans when you don’t need them. It’s your world too you know.


Calvin Pereira said...

SuperCraig is a real Superhero...just imagine the determination after 3 goof ups....He never gives up, He never retracts......SuperCraig(!screamssssss!)

SuperCraig said...

Hey! Thats what a real superhero does. I will not rest until the streets are safe. Safe for humans, and even for animals!

Adithi said...

Hehehe...good one, SuperCraig :) I'll call ouot to you next time I'm in trouble :D